Finding Wonderland - Artistic identity as a way of being

As playwright and actor, through the integration of performative and embodied forms of inquiry that embrace autobiographical writing, I explore my history as an artist, and reflect upon the importance of the arts in my life. Performative Inquiry invites the researcher to attend to significant moments that occur through creative action. Embodied Inquiry helps us deepen the connection to our bodies, utilizing them in research through writing, moving, listening and being. Both forms of inquiry use the body, the imagination and personal experiences. By reflecting on those experiences and being awake to those individual moments, we can gain great insight into who we are as artists and educators. In presuming academic identity to be separate from artistic identity by assuming the role of “teacher”, even that of “music teacher”, I lost the identity of artist. The absence of artist created tension as I thought I had to choose between one or the other. After less than five years of teaching, the disconnect between the artist I was and the person I was becoming, continued to grow. I experienced an absence of artist and I had to find her again. I performed my thesis as a one woman show, with a reflective written piece exploring the shift in thinking necessary to re-imagine myself as both artist and teacher. Throughout the process, self-sabotage and self-doubt were at play.