Discord and dissonance: Living through and learning from a teacher educator’s memories

This thesis presents the memories of my experiences as a teacher educator in a variety of teacher education programs. In the context of a “kaleidoscope of notions” informing practices in teacher education, several issues persist: conflicting aims between programs and practicums, a lack of culturally responsive pedagogy and weak epistemological or content literacy. In response, teacher educators are called to research their own practices as sites for developing conceptual clarity about teaching and learning. Thus, this study aims to examine my experiences as a teacher educator in order to develop knowledge about practice and reveal insights into the complex nature of teaching prospective teachers. Using self-study research as the primary approach, theoretical inquiry (to frame my questions) and singular case study (to define each experience as particular and unique), I examine a collection of memories, written as memory reflections, of my life as a teacher educator. In selecting these memories, I attend to discordance and dissonance in my learning as a teacher educator and include experiences of teaching that are at times jarring, unsettling, yet provocative and informative. The memory reflections are a composite of narrative, reflective and authentic accounts of my practices with student teachers and colleagues. Drawing from authority of experience and critical reflection, I analyse the memories of discordant experiences and develop: a) understandings about the nature of self-study research; b) knowledge about teacher education practices; and c) assertions regarding learning from experience. The outcomes of this study include the articulation of my practice as an array of pedagogical orientations and the conceptualization of a recurring cycle of discordance as a heuristic for learning from experience.