Layers of identity: Exploring intersections of cultural and professional be-ing in teacher education

For much of my career, my Punjabi-Sikh identity has existed separately from my professional identity as a Canadian teacher and teacher educator. This border between my two selves was created and reinforced through educational and systemic hierarchies that have permeated the blood of my ancestors and left their hardened residue on my concept and experience of self. This dissertation explores these identities, the blurring of their borders, and my longing to become whole, in the hopes to better serve student teachers from diverse backgrounds in the formation of teacher identities that embraces their whole selves. Drawing upon the scholarship of decentring systems of power through consciousness raising, activism, and advocacy, my dissertation is grounded in the theoretical orientations of critical race theory in education (Ladson-Billings, 1998; Ladson-Billings & Tate, 1995), intersectionality (Crenshaw, 1989, 1991), culturally responsive pedagogies (Gay, 2000), culturally relevant pedagogies (Ladson-Billings, 1995), and culturally sustaining pedagogies (Paris, 2012; Paris & Alim, 2014). These critical orientations ground my curriculum and educational philosophy through the lifting up of teachers as agents of change. This dissertation is built upon the foundations of practitioner inquiry (Cochran-Smith & Lytle, 1993, 1999, 2009) with the intention to reclaim my voice and honour my wholeness. By embracing critical autoethnography (Justice & Tenore, 2018), a methodology used to engage teacher educators' use of critical pedagogies, as well as Delgado's (1989) use of counter-stories, I cultivate a way of truth-telling revealed by the practice of writing as inquiry (Richardson, 1994). Throughout my early life, I witnessed and participated in my father's practice of tying his turban as an embodied expression of his spirituality. Through my writing practice, I explore how each step of the process of tying my father's turban reveal layers of spiritual principles of Sikhi and the impact of my Punjabi-diasporic culture on the development of my professional identity as an educator. By considering several sites of inquiry, including personal, professional, cultural and spiritual spaces, I uncover how each step of the process of tying his turban relates to a deeper teaching. For example, selecting the material, adding the necessary tension, and forming each meticulous layer connects to both a Sikh philosophical principle as well as a research principle that informs my writing. Through the practice of writing as inquiry (Richardson, 1994), I share the development of a methodological frame of "folding in," which offers "tender teachings" that nurture my search for self-knowledge and compassionate understanding. Through the insights gained from this process, I offer forward a vision for teacher education that centers the profound beauty of diversity.